Linda's Thoughts on Hosting

So I would like to share with you some more of our journey from my view.  Last summer when our friends hosted, I thought wow how wonderful, I would love to do this.  We followed their blog and enjoyed reading every post.  We followed them through all the ups and downs that they faced.  They dealt with some teenage problems.  I kept this in the back of my mind just assuming that behavior problems were just going to go with the program.  PLEASE understand what I did NOT.  Some children really struggle, some have problems, and some THRIVE.  

This fall God opened our eyes again to New Horizons For Children.  I have to admit, I really debated.  I wanted to do some work on the kitchen.  I know... Change a child's life, show them God, give them love, show them a family, or get new flooring.  Ryan and I prayed about this separately.  Quickly I was told that this is what I was supposed to do.  Shortly after that Ryan and I talked about it.  He opened the conversation telling me that this is what God has told him to do.  He was prepared to make me see things his way. LOL What he did not know is that God had already changed my heart  We were just going to host.  We were going to be there for this child.  I had no idea what I was getting myself involved in.  Looking back now I just laugh.  Thankfully God gave me an inner peace.  Yes I was scared. I was letting a pre-teen boy in my home that I knew nothing about.  I am so thankful that God had given me that peace.  I got many concerned reactions.  Some were out of love and others were well we just wont go there.  I had come up with many of my own concerns, but God truly told me to do this.  

 So going back to our friends hosting experience this summer.  I was preparing myself for the worst.  Our friends are our "experts" they have done foster care, hosted before and had gone through training.    So with us having no experience, I thought we will for sure have problems.  I went into this trying to have no expectations, but like Ryan said I set myself up with negative expectations.  When we were all at the airport waiting for him to arrive our children were so excited.  We were all lined up holding our welcome signs.  One mother next to me said it best.  Her daughter was going to grab something from across the room,  Her mother said, with tears rolling down her cheeks  "Nothing is more important than this moment".   The kids started coming down the hall.  There was a little boy standing in the middle.  I kept saying his name and finally we caught his attention.  I have to admit he was so out of it I thought OH MY.  I remember looking at Ryan scared to death.  Remember, I prepared for the worst.  By the time we got to the car he had woken up, and I realized O.K. I can do this.  By the time we got to the hotel, I thought we are all getting along, this might work.  The first night I slept maybe 2 hours, remember Lexie was sick.  I prayed that entire night for our journey.  The next morning we went swimming.  That was the BEST thing we have done.  When Ryan did a canon ball into the pool, I hope I never forget the look on his face.  His personality started coming out.  He couldn't stop it even if he tried!  By the end of our two hour swim he could say in English:  On your mark, get set, go,  wait, jump and all of our names.  He was smiling and laughing the entire time.  My fears were getting smaller and smaller.  

When we got home all was going well, then I realized that Ryan was going back to work.  If you are a mother  you know the fear of being home alone for the first time with your baby. Or when you have more than one child and you go grocery shopping by yourself.  There was real fear, however all went well.  The first week was crazy.  I have to say he was wonderful.  My kids on the other hand were awful.  I had many times during the day where I thought to myself, what is this, who are these kids, where have I gone wrong.  Remember we were supposed to show him a happy family.

Then Christmas came.  My kids were starting to get it together, and he was starting to get more comfortable with me.  Thankfully, Ryan was able take off several days to be home with us.  I was so excited for him to meet our families.  They all loved him and willingly opened their hearts and homes to him.  Our church family as always was amazing.  I have always thought that the children in our church were wonderful but seeing them play four square with him in the basement made my heart smile.  He felt welcomed and included.  There was no language needed.

After Christmas was over, we started in with our first time experiences and family outings.  Chuck E Cheese, Build a Bear and roller skating to name a few.  Tears ran down my face with every new experience.  I could not prepare myself for the transformation that was taking place in my heart.  I wish I could describe it better but I do not think the words exist.  I was prepared to deal with behavior problems, not prepared to fall in LOVE!  The relationship that has formed between our family and him caught me by surprise.  More like took my feet out from underneath me.  No, I am not talking about my fall at the roller skating rink!  God was giving me an amazing gift, far greater than anything that I had expected.  Remember we were supposed to help him, show him God and show him a family.  To my surprise, he has shown me love, taught me how to love freely, and has shown me God in more than one way.  FAITH?  Faith has taken on a whole new meaning. 

As we headed into our last week, our 

family was running smoothly.  I was starting to think about saying goodbye.  The tears kept on flowing.  Little did we know that the chicken pox were in the future.  With travel dates unclear, I was thinking did we do enough?  Did we do to much?  Did we have enough family time?  Did we show him God in our lives?  Thankfully God gave us an extra week.  He was really sick with the virus and I was able to stop everything and take care of him.  I am so thankful for that time with him. It was not easy but wonderful all at the same time.  

He is now feeling better, but he still can not make it through an entire day without resting.  My kids are going crazy with him being sick.  We are usually an on the go type of family.  I think we have rented every movie and Wii game that the video store has.  We have painted, colored, played with Legos, hot wheels and puzzles to name a few.  I hate puzzles by the way. Yesterday he translated to me on the computer "Can we please go out tonight?".  I first said no because I thought we should stay in a couple more days.  I am so glad Ryan said Yes we should go.  We all needed it.  The walls of my house were closing in on me. It is driving me nuts that my Christmas stuff is still up.  I only have 4 days left and I am not about to take away our precious time to put them away.  They can just collect dust.  I have no idea how I am going to get through the rest of the week.  I am trusting in God. I know that God will get me through this.  

I want to end with this quote "Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all" Lord Alfred Tennyson